You should be unsurprised to learn that my Ultimate Christmas Gift is Penis-related.

So I’ve always got a wishlist going and I do my best to keep it up to date and not to constantly say “GET ME THINGS FROM MY WISHLIST! WHAAA!” like so many guys do on twitter. But I really like having this sort of passive way for people that I care about to send me a little somethin’ at their whim. I wish everyone I knew had a wishlist of just shit they thought was fun, so that I could surprise them with random gifts when I was inspired.

This item, though, is literally all I want for Christmas. The truth is that I will probably work myself into a state of frenzy enough to just get it for myself, but I wanted to toss it up here first, just in case anyone reading this wanted to send my Penis some love before the year is out.

The Bathmate is kind of the world standard right now for dick pumps, and I like the (I’m using quotation marks because I don’t know how legit any of this is, however convincing it sounds) “science” behind using water when you pump to reduce the damage done to the sensitive Penis skin. I have a COLT hand pump right now and I use it from time to time, but I always end up hurting myself because the enthusiasm just gets away from me and I pump too hard and too long.  So I end up with bruising or that robin’s egg speckling all over that looks like some new and upsetting STI no one has ever heard of (but my cock looks HUGE when I’m done).

This video is weirdly convincing and I think it’s because of the guy’s English accent. I’m always tricked by an accent. Also, if you’ve ever spent literally any time with me, you should know that the sentence “it’s like bodybuilding for your Penis” is what put me over the edge on wanting this thing so badly.

Anyway. I really really really really really want this thing, and if you wanna make my holiday, I’d love to get it as a surprise. I promise to share the results with everyone who will look/listen and I’ll definitely have pics/videos of said results up here (even just as an excuse for more Penis talk).

I’ll end my shilling for Hydromax with this post, but man am I hoping Santa has his eye on improving my bulge this year 😀

-tyler