20 Reasons You Can’t Believe What You Read in an Internet Profile

Times change, but the gay dating profile pretty much doesn’t.

I want to start by disclaiming the fact that I have no earthly idea where this page came from, and an hour+ of googling didn’t help me with anything. So you’re going to have to enjoy it sans-context. I’m all ears if you know its origins, though.

I do know that that’s a Roscoe illustration up at the top there, because that guy’s work is unmistakable and makes my penis almost immediately stand up and ask what’s going on whenever I see it.  Roscoe as a person, though, is tough to track down. There isn’t a ton of info about him except that he used to be a commercial illustrator, and then started making legit money from his gay/erotic art. That was thanks mostly to Handjobs Magazine (which, frankly I don’t think I’ve mentioned here, but talked about a LOT on Manhunt Daily). But since the mid 2000’s he seems to have vanished completely, with a dried up twitter, and all urls associated with his work up for sale.

At any rate, this is hilarious and I have personally used more of these than I’m proud to admit. See how many you can find that line up with grindr/scruff or other gay dating profiles you know:

20 Reasons You Can’t Believe What You Read in an Internet Profile:

His Profile Says: I’m a total top.

Translation: For $200 more you can fuck my brains out.

I’m not into kink.

I’m into some sick shit that would make you run screaming from the room if I told you what it was.

I’m not looking for a relationship.

My boyfriend doesn’t know I’m fucking around on him.

I work out five times a week.

I go to the gym twice a week; the other three times I’m working out my low self-esteem with issues with my shrink.

I’m 25 and very boyish.

I’m pushing 40.

I’m relationship-oriented.

My boyfriend is cheating on me.

I’m horse hung.

It’s just slightly bigger than the average dick, but if I light the bedroom just the right way, you will think it’s huge.

I’m str8 and curious.

I’ve been fucked.  A lot.

I’m a total bottom.

I’m a total bottom.

I like to get freaky!

Do you have a boyfriend I can fuck?

I love watching old movies.

I am a new Falcon Exclusive.

I’m very versatile.

Oh god I wanna get fucked so bad!

I give a great massage.

And if you want ‘release’ that will be $75 extra.

My dick is always rock hard.

The Viagra is stashed under the bathroom sink.

I’m not an escort.

I prefer the term companion.*

Hot guy with a six-pack.

If you drink an entire six-pack, you might think I’m hot.

I have a thing for uniforms.

I’ve been incarcerated.

I’m hung very thick.

My dick is small.

No models, actors, or waiters.

I want a sugar daddy!

Not into cyberchat.

I’m stupid and can’t make conversation.

*I will admit getting called out for that ‘companion’ thing.

-t