20 Oct Joey And Chandler Were Definitely Fuckkin
And I’m rarely so sure about such things.
I’ve long had a nasty habit of watching a trash show sort of ‘in the background’ when I’m doing things around the house or getting ready for bed. I know I shouldn’t go to sleep with the tv on, but it comforts me, and I set the sleep timer so I feel like it’s not so bad. But I do not watch good things in this space.
Traditionally, it’s reserved for things I’ve seen many dozens of times over (Family Guy, American Dad, Are You Being Served?, and Futurama have all had their turn many times over the years), and don’t need to pay any attention to. It’s just jokes and bright colors to fill the quietness of my UES block late at night.
But lately, I’ve been bored of all the previous options and looking for a replacement. Luckily Netflix still doesn’t seem to know me at all and has been trying to foist Friends onto my queue since it debuted there last year. I’ve managed to avoid it based on my childhood memories of that show’s flaws. But recently caved into the Netflix algorithm’s insistence and started at season one, episode one, just to be sure my negative view was correct.
And it’s not good. My friend described it yesterday as a “series of repeated faces and noises, just with different words,” and then we proceeded to do “wah-wahhh” impressions of each of the characters as we walked down the block.
But it did stir up a thing from my youth that I had really entirely forgotten: the casually homoerotic pairing of Joey and Chandler. The series pokes fun at the idea of this a few times over the (what feels like) 200 years it was on the air, but never establishes anything or hints at the legitimacy of such an idea. But the foundation is certainly laid, and many slash fic authors felt driven flesh it out more fully, as it were (even Logo’s NewNowNext knows what I’m talking about).
So, in celebration of this casual, not gay, bro-ish love affair (that, even to my childbrain, certainly included some implied, behind-closed-doors sexplay), I wanted to share some old, fake Matt Leblanc photos I used to spank it to, and my favorite Nifty archive story about this pairing.
It’s tough to find good Matthew Perry nudes, but they’re out there. Also, I was way more into Joey’s cavalier sexuality and logic-free pursuit of sexual pleasure anyway.
Especially as evidenced in this story, the second chapter of the Joey and Chandler series from Nifty’s Celebrity department. In this one, Joey and Chandler have just masturbated together for the first time, with Joey later sneaking into his roommate’s room for more mouth/penis action. But you can certainly infer where we begin by that opening line explaining that “both Joey and Chandler felt a little strange after the last night’s encounter.”
Let’s see where it takes them:
Joey and Chandler
Both Joey and Chandler felt a little strange after the last night’s
encounter. Joey was more comfortable with the idea than Chandler was,
but they were both a little worried because it was something that they’d
never had to deal with before.
It was Saturday, and Joey woke up before Chandler did. Right after
he let out a big yawn, he headed for the bathroom so he could take a
shower. As soon as he was inside he took off his classic white Calvin
Klien briefs, which were all that he was wearing, and stood in front of
the mirror admiring his naked body for a minute. He then hopped into
the shower and began to soap up his whole body. As Joey was soaping up,
he thought about jerking off, but decided not to because he was still
pretty satisfied with the hand job that Chandler gave him the night
As Joey was finishing up in the shower, Chandler finally got out of
bed and put on a T-shirt, a new pair of boxers and a pair of jogging
pants on. He then took one look at the stains on his jacket from the
night before and made a slightly disgusted look. He walked out of the
bedroom and headed into the living room as Joey was just heading out of
Joey walked into the living room with a towel around his waist and
said, “Hey Chandler!”
Chandler just looked up and said, “Is there anything else you’d
like to stain today?”
Joey frowned and replied, “Aw Chandler, can’t you forget about what
happened yesterday? Look, I’ll even pay to have your jacket dry
Chandler said sarcastically, “Sure Joey, I’ll explain to them that
my friend just happened to accidentally ejaculate all over my coat.
That’s a real great plan!”
Joey, fed up, said, “Ok, you want to settle this fair and square?”
“Ok,” Chandler responded. “What stupid idea do you have in mind
“Foosball!” Joey exclaimed as he pointed to the foosball table near
the door to their apartment. “We play a game of foosball and if I win
you can’t complain about your stupid jacket anymore.”
Chandler got up and shouted, “Ok you’re on! But forget about the
jacket, let raise the stakes. The winner gets to make the loser do
whatever they want for one day.”
Joey stared for a minute, thinking over Chandler’s proposal.
Chandler looked at the stern concentration on Joey’s face and said,
“What, is the idea too hard for you to understand? If you’re too afraid
Joey cut Chandler off mid-sentence and said, “Ok I’m in, but
remember Chandler Italians do it better!”
“Uh-huh!” Chandler replied sarcastically as he and Joey each ran to
their respective sides of the table and began to play. Joey, still
wearing only a towel, shook the foosball table aggressively as he moved
the players on the board back and forth. Chandler was doing pretty well
against Joey until Joey suddenly dropped the towel he was wearing and
revealed his fully erect 9 inch cock standing out from his nude body.
Chandler suddenly stopped as he eyes widened and stared straight at
Joey’s erection. Chandler then said, “I never knew foosball turned you
on! You’re gonna play like that???”
“Well, when I’m in a heavy competition I always get kind of excited
and….hey,” Joey said as he realized that he now had a slight advantage
over Chandler. “What does it matter to you for? Are you afraid my
nakedness is gonna ruin your concentration?”
“No,” Chandler replied, trying not to stare at the huge Italian
cock that stood out on Joey’s toned body. “It doesn’t bother me at all,
in fact I’ll play naked too!”
With those words, Chandler pulled off his jogging pants, threw off
his shirt and stood in his boxers.
“Uh, you forgot the boxers,” Joey mentioned.
“Oh, fine,” Chandler said, as he removed the last piece of clothing
on his body and threw the shorts into the pile of clothes on the floor.
“Ha ha,” Joey laughed as soon as he saw Chandler’s penis, which was
unerect and small looking at the moment compared to his own hulking
“What? What?” Chandler questioned.
“Like I said, Italian’s do it better,” Joey said looking down at
his own hard cock.
“Would you shut up and play! Not everyone has a fetish for foosball
the way you do,” Chandler replied looking at the erection Joey sported.
The two friends were now naked on opposite sides of the foosball
table, continuing their fierce competition. Chandler threw in a couple
of good moves, but was still letting Joey’s nudity break his
concentration. After trying a few more shots, Chandler was finally
defeated by Joey.
Joey jumped up and shouted, “I am the winner! You have to do
whatever I want now.”
Chandler said, “Ok, what do you want me to do? Clean your car? Make
your bed? Run naked through town?”
Joey responded, “I wanna have sex.”
Chandler’s jaw dropped and he gave Joey a look of disgust. “Us?
Sex? No way you moron. Weren’t you satisfied enough when I helped you
ruin my jacket last night?”
“It’s just…” Joey began. “It’s just I always wanted to try
something like that. I read that it’s good to try new things.”
Chandler began to stutter a reply to Joey. “But sex with each other
Joey? Have you gone insane. Masturbating you was about as far as I
wanted to go, and even that was too far!”
A sad look crossed Joey’s face as Chandler started to put his
clothes back on. Chandler was ignoring Joey until he saw how
disappointed he looked. “Joey, you weren’t serious were you?”
Joey looked at Chandler and said, “I always wanted to try it with
a guy ’cause it’s something I’ve never done, and I can trust you. You’re
my best pal.”
Chandler wanted to make a sarcastic reply to Joey’s sentimental
speech, but held back and suddenly said, “Ok Joey I’ll have sex with you
only once, but on one condition.”
“What’s that?” Joey said.
“You have sex with Janice tomorrow,” Chandler stated. “She once
told me that you’re the only man she would ever want to sleep with
besides me and I figure if I can get you to spend the night with her,
she and I might be able to get back together.”
Joey made a grimace and said, “Aw but Janice, the laugh, her
annoying…” Joey suddenly stopped complaining when he saw Chandler
begin to put his clothes back on. “Ok Ok!” Joey said. “I’ll do it with
Janice if we can have sex.”
“Ok Joey,” Chandler said. “Let’s get this over with as quickly as
“Do you have any condoms?” Joey asked Chandler.
“Yeah, I’ll get ’em,” Chandler said.
“Ok, I’ll get the KY jelly stuff,” Joey said.
The guys each headed to their own bedrooms and got what they
needed. When they returned, Chandler asked, “Which room do you want to
do it in?”
“My room,” Joey said proudly. “I’m the winner.”
“I know,” Chandler said, handing Joey the condoms. “Just keep that
thought in mind when you’re sleeping with Janice tomorrow.”
Joey made a face, but was happy he was finally going to try having
sex with another guy.
“Woh, you haven’t been getting it that much lately, have you?” Joey
said as he took out one condom from the nearly full box that Chandler
“Just get on with it,” Chandler said as they headed for Joey’s
bedroom. Chandler picked up his pile of clothes and carried them into
Joey’s room. As soon as they were inside they closed the door and went
to the side of Joey’s bed. Joey said, “Ok Chandler bend over.”
Chandler gave Joey a funny look and replied, “This is like a bad prison
Chandler bent over onto Joey’s bed as Joey rolled the condom onto
his thick Italian meat. He then took a small amount of KY Jelly and
began to lubricate himself. As Chandler stayed bent over he said,
“Would you hurry up? This is kind of embarrassing.”
Joey put a few more drops of lubrication on his cock and then
rubbed a little onto the opening of Chandler’s ass. Joey aimed his
manhood at Chandler and was about to enter him. Slowly, Joey began
rubbing the head of his cock against Chandler’s anal opening. Joey
started to ease the tip into Chandler and began to shove a little.
Chandler was a bit uncomfortable at first, but the lubrication was
helping. “You owe me big time Joey,” Chandler said as Joey pushed a
little harder at the resistance that Chandler’s ass was giving his dick.
“I’ll be in…in one…sec” Joey grunted as he pushed his cock harder
into Chandler. After a few more pushes Joey had finally filled
Chandler’s ass with his huge penis. As the resistance slowly eased up,
Joey began to thrust in and out with a more steady rhythm. Chandler
tried not to react, but couldn’t help but grunt a little as Joey pumped
in and out of his ass with more force each time. Unexpectedly, Joey
grabbed Chandler’s cock and began to stroke it as he continued pumping
in and out of Chandler. Chandler grew hard and was enjoying what Joey
was doing when suddenly they heard a knock at the door to their
apartment. Joey, still inside of Chandler, whispered “Shhhh!” as
Chandler began to panic out loud about who was at the door. The guys
listened as they heard Rachel begin to speak through the front door.
“Guys are you there?” she began. “Listen, Monica and I are going to see
a movie this afternoon. Do you guys want to come along? Guys?” Joey
and Chandler tried to stay as silent as they could as they heard Rachel
opening the front door, which they forgot to lock. “They’re always
here, and the door is open. Where could they have gone?” Rachel began
to wonder out loud.
Chandler whispered to Joey, “Just finish as fast as you can and
then we can go out and talk to Rachel.” “Ok,” Joey whispered back.
Joey tried to keep pumping quietly as Rachel sat down and turned on the
TV, hoping the guys would return soon, not knowing they were in the
bedroom only a few feet away from where she sat.
Joey began pumping harder and faster and managed to keep on jerking
Chandler at the same time. Soon, Joey felt his cock begin to throb and
he began thrusting in and out of Chandler even faster, creating a loud
Rachel heard the thumping and looked at where the noise came from.
“Guys? Are you in there?”
Chandler shouted to Rachel, “Uh, I’m just helping Joey redecorate
his bedroom. Right Joey?”
Joey gave a confused look and replied, “No.”
Chandler gave Joey a dirty look and slapped him on the arm. “I
mean…yeah, Chandler’s just helping me out with some really hard work,”
Joey quickly added. “We’ll be out as soon as we’re finished…fixing up
my room of course.”
Joey had just hit his climax and exclaimed very loudly, “That is SO
good!” as his orgasm hit and he shot his load into his condom. “He’s
talking about the wallpaper we just put up,” Chandler shouted to Rachel
as a coverup for what they were really doing.
Chandler began to ejaculate at almost the exact same moment all
over the side of Joey’s bed. Joey whispered, “Hey we’re even now.”
“Shut up Joey,” Chandler whispered. Joey then pulled out of Chandler,
rolled off his condom, and threw it in the garbage can in the corner of
his room. The guys quickly got dressed and ran out of the bedroom to
see Rachel sitting on the couch.
“Well are you guys ready to see a movie?” Rachel asked as she stood up
and turned off the TV.
“Yes, yes we are,” Chandler said as he and Joey left the apartment with
Rachel as if nothing had happened
It most certainly was not “the end,” as evidenced by the 14 chapters this guy put together from 1996-1999, and if that did anything for you, you can check them all out here.
What I love about this series is that it eventually incorporates almost all the men featured on this series, but never forces them into lovey, committed, homosexual relationships. Instead preferring to allow them to just be men who happen to have sex with their friends sometimes, pretend to grapple with it emotionally, and then plot ways to make it happen again. Just like real life!