Please Read All Further Blog Posts With A Posh Accent, as I’ve made it to London and I think this is home.
Hard to believe we took a whole week off from writing about dicks and stroking and porn and stuff here. But getting to the UK ended up being more complicated than I expected and I’m only just now starting to get on GMT.
But otherwise, I love it here and it’s amazing. As I write this, I’m watching That Mitchell and Webb Look, drinking tea and eating biscuits. It is SO faux-English in here, y’all.
I don’t have anything exceptional to report yet, and the dicks and stuff’ll probably be back tomorrow, but in the meantime, here’s a list of things that I’ve noticed are slightly different in the UK vs. at home:
• Cool Ranch Doritos are called Cool Original Flavour here
• Stores have entire freezer aisles devoted to “chips” and various other potato doings
• The candy situation is out of control, and I don’t like or trust “aero bubbles”
• People are way more friendly and helpful than New Yorkers
• Carrot sticks are called “carrot batons”
• Eggs don’t go in the refrigerators in Sainsbury’s or Tesco
• 99% of English children are adorable due to accents
• I’ve never felt less confident about where I was going to end up than when I get on the overground
• Even when they’re being pushy/rude, English people still seem to say “excuse me,” and “sorry.” They just say it rudely (back home I’ve resorted to just telling people to “move!“)
• London lighting makes me look pretty buff (which you saw if you’re on my mailing list ?)
• Rentmen does not give a fuck about what happens in London apparently, because my traffic nosedived (pop over to my advert now and rack up some bonus views for me so I don’t feel so badly about it!).
• It’s getting more and more difficult for me not to mimic accents back at people and I am CERTAIN I’m going home with some sort of sexually transmitted British inflection.
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If I do go home with some posh talk next month, you’ll be the first to hear about how my friends react to it (especially those of you who’ve signed up to get emails about new posts). Until then, dicks tomorrow. I promise.
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