Quick, country, and cum-soaked. 

Some days, you just don’t have time for the long, luxurious reads of the Nifty Archive and you need something more direct, and to the point. But you also don’t want to sacrifice any of the filthy story that gets your penis inflated in the first place! What’s a boy to do?

Handjobs Magazine, to the rescue! As always! This week’s tale comes to us via the feature story of April, 1998 issue of Handjobs, and was written and illustrated by Douglas, about whom I know precious little. In fact, it doesn’t seem as though anyone knows much about this guy, although there is an archive of some of his best known illustrations (almost all from Handjobs) over at the Gay Art Gallery.

Douglas’ work is generally evocative of the Americana illustrations of Norman Rockwell or Lee Dubin, featuring ultra masculine men, usually juxtaposed with a younger guy in some form of stereotypical roleplay: coach/athlete, principal/student, expert/apprentice. Or, like today’s story, good old fashioned family fun!

Let’s get to it, shall we?

Family Reunion

Written and illustrated by Douglas [Handjobs Magazine | April 1998]

During the spring of my first year at college the entire family got together at my Great Uncle’s John’s farm for the regular five year reunion. Dad promised me a good time (with a sly wink in his eye) but so far it was really boring. Most of my relatives hadn’t seen me since I was fourteen and I kept hearing the same line about how big I’d gotten and how much I looked like my Dad when he played college ball. What was really burning on my mind was dad’s younger brother, my Uncle Nick. He was the the only thing that could salvage this reunion for me. But there didn’t seem much hope of seeing him since dad didn’t expect his brother to make it up here from Florida this year. God, how I wanted to see my hot uncle again. I had spent the previous summer working on his construction crew, lusting after him in secret until finally Nick raped my willing ass and then sucked it dry without mercy. I hadn’t seen my uncle or talked to him since. I had started to write him a hundred different times over the year explaining just how I felt but it always came out stupid. Plus I was worried that my Dad would find out just what we did that summer.

The men of the family had set up picnic tables in a grove of oaks adjacent to one of my great uncle’s old tobacco fields. The overlapping conversations of some 50-odd relatives filled the air thickly. I was wading through a sea of aunts and bratty cousins trying to get my fair share of the pot- luck picnic pickins when I heard another vehicle pulling up the dirt road. A brand spankin’ new Ram 1500 pickup swaggered up the drive like a horny red bull. Distracted for a second by my plate of fried chicken, I didn’t realize who the late visitor was. Then I heard the hearty yell of my Dad over the crowd.

“Shit, Nicky how the hell are ya? We didn’t think you were commin!”

My heart leapt. Goddamn if the big hairy fucker hadn’t made it. And let me tell you he looked as redneck hot as he could get. I continued eating but could no longer taste any of my food. I watched as my uncle eased out of the cab in his favorite flip-flop sandals – the same ones I happily dumped my juice on last summer. My dad and uncle laughed and hugged, sucker punching each others’ slight pot bellies. I quickly noticed this wasn’t the only bulge my uncle was sporting today. His pair of shabby cut-offs left nothing to the imagination. They were literally bursting at the seams! As dad and Nick talked my uncle stood at an angle which gave me a great view of his thick black sack fur which peeked out one of the legs of his shorts. Dad lit up one of his stogies and Uncle Nick fired up the big bowl of his briar pipe as they reminisced over the hood of my uncle’s pick-up. They were very different men by profession but still very much brothers. Their smoke curled and inter- twined. I wondered what they were talking about as they grinned at each other like teenage boys.

Finally Nick picked me out of the crowd with his eyes and gave me this,“don’t make me come over there and fuck you, boy!”stare. It’s macho ferocity both chilled my blood and burned my groin. I almost came right then and there. Dad saw me too and motioned that I should come over. I leapt up immediately, hoping that my sweat shorts bagged my boner effectively.

“Sorry I didn’t come over sooner dad, I was awful hungry. Gosh, I’m sure glad you made it unc’,” I grinned uncontrollably.

“Well that’s a growin’ boy for ya,” Dad said as he grabbed and shook my shoulder.“Hey Nicky I’m gonna go over and see if I can catch a bit of grub myself. Why don’t you and Scott catch up a bit and I’ll meet you later.” Dad gave me a quick slap on the ass and marched off to the food battlefield. Nick yelled to him,“Mark! Save me some of that chicken Scott’s been greasin’ himself up with!” Dad waved back.

“Hey Uncle Nick, it’s really great to see you man,” I said.

“I’m happy as shit to see you too pup,” he said giving me a restrained bear hug that set off an electric charge in my dick.

“God I can smell the sex dripping off him,” I thought as his fragrant pipe smoke rang rings around my body. I wondered too how smelly his cockhead was after that trip.

“You know I drove up all this way just to see you and your dad,” Nick said as he tapped out some pipe ashes on his sandal heel.

We can’t all get together much anymore now that you’re at college,…UGA is it?” Nick said as he scratched at a nipple though his tattered University of Florida shirt. I nodded with an embarrassed smile. “I really enjoyed having you last summer pup. Honestly I haven’t been able to take my mind off of you since.”

He put his steel corded arm around my neck and squeezed hard glancing

for a moment at the hard outline and growing wet spot on my shorts. He chuckled lightly.

“Did I just do that?” he asked slyly. I turned to see if anyone, espe- cially dad was watching. I crossed my arms and whispered, “You want me to pop a load here and now?”

“I bet you’ve got a nice thick one built up just for me too. I always think ‘bout your cream when I’m wearin’ these old flip-flops. They’re still a lil’ sticky. You know you’re dad was givin’ me a hard time about wearin’ these dirty old things. Him bein’ the hotshot car dealer and all, everything’s got to be new. I just told him that his son thought they looked just great. I laughed nervously ‘cause yeah, I thought he looked hot as shit in ‘em. Nick paused and looked at me, “Scott we need to find ourselves a spot where an uncle and a nephew can have a nice long…conversation. And I think I know just the place.”

Uncle Nick led me back into a deserted part of the farm that used to hold livestock and horses. As we walked in the sun I pulled off my shirt and Nick asked me about all my classes, football practices and such. When we came under the shade of a big old oak and my uncle pulled me close so that our stomachs and crotches rubbed together.

“Com’mon now give your ‘ol uncle a big buddy kiss. Yeah, nice and deep while I pull on your sweet lil’ cock.”

I licked all around my uncle’s furry mouth with nine months worth of pent up hormones, kissing him hard and deep. My uncle’s musky saliva spilled down my chest lubricating the fur burn I was getting from him. One of Nick’s hands began stroking the head of my cock through my shorts while the other sought out my tender nipple. I was a virgin to tit play and Uncle Nick’s stubby, calloused fingers made me burn and shudder as he pinched and tweaked. His cutt offs burst open with a mere tug of my fingers and I buried my hand deep in the black smelly fur. Uncle Nick’s dark throbber poked out one torn leg of the cut-offs and as we kissed it bobbed heavily like the cock of a horse.

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My uncle then pulled me into a nasty old animal pen where the mud was cracked and nearly dried up.

“This is where Uncle John used to keep his pigs, Scott. And bein’ the little fuck-pig that you are I figured this would be the perfect place to get you all dirty, nephew. Now I’m gonna pull down your pants and you’re gonna follow Uncle Nicky’s lead. Comprendo partner?”

I nodded blurrily. My uncle pushed me down hard until I was on my knees and then kicked me back into the dirt with one of his huge sandaled dogs. My shorts were torn from my ass immediately.

“Just get used to that dirt you little hoghound. ‘Cause your gonna be rolling in the filth when I’m done with you. I can’t wait to hear you squeal!”

I lay there motionless, anticipating his next move, my quivering cock pointed skyward. My huge uncle stood over me and removed the last of his meager threads. He lit a fresh bowl of tobacco and hunkered down over me. The ripe smell of male groin, sweet tobacco and bitter, wild grass filled my head. The scent almost became too much as Nick spread apart his furry butt-cheeks and squatted down on my dick. I tried to stab my cock in but Nick knocked me back down.

“Just hold your horses there pup,” he said gruffly, “I’m the Top dog ‘round here.” His hairy hole gobbled up my slick cock instantly. I saw my uncle grimace and groan as I entered his body but like a true soldier he plowed on without pause. I was surprised how tight and hot he was inside. I felt enveloped by his comforting warmth. Nick managed to fuck himself on my dick with an agility I did not expect from a man of his size. It was great to be able to watch him: leg muscles flexing, butt pumping, and pipe billowing smoke like a steam locomotive. I rubbed and caressed this hairy machine as my uncle’s fuzzy hole sucked and slobbered up my cock. He even pulled me off the ground a couple of times by the dick he was that strong. As my uncle’s rhythm got harder and I got closer to blowing, thick lines etched into his forehead as his hands locked onto his cock. Nick yanked his foreskin back and sticky clear goo streaked across my neck and chest. Without warning my uncle’s self fuck turned in to a goddamned bronco ride as he hooted, “Whoa Shit Boy! Look its Commin out! Unnnnnhhh!!! Oh Damn! Look at that Shit Pouring out! Jesus Christ!” The first squirt was more of a thick, creamy drool and it fell straight into my open mouth. By that time I was shaking from pure lust. I found myself unconsciously snorting and grunting as my load popped deep into the stinking recesses of my uncle’s ass. “Ohh, ohh God!!! Fuck!!!” I screamed, watching Nick’s rank spunk wad fly over my head and into the mud. It was the biggest load of sperm I’d ever seen my uncle’s nuts pump out. He stood up slowly, popping off my dick as gently as possible and letting out a sincere, “Ahhhhhh!” of relief as he did so. I closed my eyes at the glare of the afternoon sun and must have dozed off for a second when I felt my uncle’s flip-flop pressing down on my chest. I opened my eyes and saw Uncle Nick standing over me taking’ a nice long piss all over my crotch!

“Just makin’ sure you were awake,” he said with a smile. I watched as the thick, yellow fluid washed the cum off my dick making it stand up straight and hard again!

“You know what you look like nephew?” Uncle Nick said. “A little pig just pleased as punch to be wallowing in his own filth. Yep you’re a regular lil’ farm hog all right!”

To be continued.  

Oh, Handjobs.

Didn’t everybody have an Uncle Nick? Or is that just a southern thing? I know I had an uncle like this who coulda done literally any of this without me complaining for a single second. Seeing his tightly packed 501s was the only reason to go to a family event when I was a kid.

Woof. Memories.

-t