28 Sep General Housekeeping Update + a Side of Feelings
I’m a little overwhelmed, but too pretty to say so.
If you’re a regular reader here, you’ve surely noticed (lots of you have emailed to ask what’s up) that I haven’t posted much these past few weeks. Part of that is because of an unusually grueling summer travel schedule that’s just about to come to a close.
But part of it too, is that I feel like I’ve lost my way a little bit. I don’t like talking about politics or divisive issues here, because I never want someone to read what I’ve said, and imagine that we won’t get along because of my personal principles. In a crass and bottom-liney sort of way, that’s just bad for business. But in a wider way, it’s just something I avoid doing in life, too. Because if we avoid people based on their politics, we never have an opportunity to discuss real things or learn about why someone else might believe what they believe. We never get to see when we’re wrong.
I am witness to and believer of the current of fraternity that ties men together. That’s the crux of everything that I talk about here. If it drifts away and matters somehow to others, then that’s great. But the focus is on the energy of connection between masculine beings (in all of their forms). Very often this connection is best established and maintained through penises and the fun stuff they do. But there is, of course, more to it.
As I recently wrote to a friend, it has become difficult for me to sit here week after week and write 300+ words about dongs and jacking off after I’ve had conversations with friends who are afraid for their lives and their citizenships.
I don’t want my beliefs or my political leanings to keep amazing men from discovering their connectedness to the larger penis vibrations of the universe, but it’s so difficult to watch racist, sexist, antisemitic, and anti-Islamic words and actions take form and gain traction in such a real way as they seem to day after day now.
Personally, I’m tired of being presumed to be low-key racist because of my skin color and home town; tired of men trying to bond with me by congratulating me on not being whatever sort of brown they dislike. I can’t take that as a compliment. If you’ve said something like that to me, you should be embarrassed to think it and mortified to have said it out loud. And I can’t see a circumstance where I’m then expected to get physically aroused in your presence. Your words are repugnant.
I can’t have any more discussions with people where their defense of their position is that it’s “just a preference.” The truth is, that it isn’t really ever just a preference, and we all – everyone around you – know what those words truly mean.
I can’t read any more emails from potential clients where they ask me if it’s “ok” that they are not white. I love what I do so much, that it breaks my very heart to have to reply to someone who surely has a lifetime of justification for saying such a thing to me. I know that whatever time we have together, will not be enough to convince them that they should NEVER have to say those words. And that they never ever have to say them to me. If you are a provider who has rules about who you will see that are based on race, you have chosen the wrong profession. If you are a client who has been told that it is NOT ok that you are not white, know that person is wrong.
There are limits to what I can really do and what influence I can really exert. And I refuse to engage in the minutia of distractions like the NFL protests and whether or not communities are entitled to statues of oppressors. It isn’t my place to shout with everyone else about what I know is true. Besides, those things aren’t real. They are diversions.
They are crafted and exacerbated to make you feel small and segregated and alone. If you do not side with the mob (because you are brown or muslim or gay or just too smart to be fooled), you are morphed into the ‘other‘ that mob is instructed to fear. You are not a ‘son of a bitch’ because you want someone (anyone) to pay attention to the fact that people are killed because they look like you look.
But there’s nothing any of us can do about the labels thrust upon us by others.
So be that ‘other.’ Here, with me. If you will come, I will always be here for you.
Be the men who don’t require groupthink to justify their fears about the jobs they don’t have or the money they don’t make or the cultural changes they don’t yet understand. Real Men know when they don’t know. And they know it’s ok to be afraid of not knowing. That is where we all are, in different ways. We are all afraid.
Be the men who strive to understand – firstly – themselves. That is the root/goal/enlightenment of all masturbation. It teaches you about you. That’s why I talk about it here endlessly, and in such radiant and jubilant terms. It is a way for you to reach your hand out to something larger, alone. From that foundation, you can begin to learn about others (who, it is worth mentioning, are also all still learning about themselves). Your penis and sexual interactions with others are incredible tools to understanding. You should learn to use them that way.
Be the men who consciously dissect the rules of what is appropriate and what is acceptable. Some rules are made to keep us safe. Most are made to keep us back. It is up to you to take societal mores apart and understand them as they relate specifically to your experience. Do this as boldly as you are able. Get naked. Share your sexuality and your pleasure online. Show your face. Smile because you are erect. Meet people and encourage them to share themselves with you and with others. Play with your penis and explore your body as much or as often as you want, and know that there is nothing about what you are or how you are constructed that is wrong or bad or sinful. That you exist is magical.
Finally, be the men who work to champion others, even when you feel threatened. It is unbelievably hard for me to steer my own brain away from negative, bitchy, tear-down talk when I’m confronted with other providers or performers or writers who are (in my perception) more attractive, more muscled, more desired, and more successful. One of the ways I aspire to rid myself of those thoughts, is by featuring them here, on my tumblr, or on twitter. By watching their videos or talking with them, and finding the pieces that I admire more than I first thought possible. You will learn that no one is as beautiful or as hung or as paid or as satisfied as they seem. We are all just striving so hard to make it seem that way.
I know that it feels as though you are working to protect yourself when you have those shitty thoughts, or search frantically for flaws, or act bored or dismissive. But you aren’t. You’re building the wall. Around yourself.
And we need each other so much.
Love your brothers.