Man, I don’t like that word! ?

In my never ending journey to journey my way into my end, I’ve read a LOT of advice and tips and watched videos and GIFs and even subscribed to some helpful tumblrs. Alas, we’re still not far from where we started. Occasionally I can get stuff up there, but for the most part, I’m still just heavily fixated on the front part.

So it seems suitable that the advice I would find the most useful so far, would encourage me to start with the front part.

I’ve discussed the many (and incredible) works and thinkings of Bruce Grether here before, but you should def look into his site if you’re unfamliar with his work. As the “Bate Master” over at bateworld.com, Bruce takes general masturbation questions and applies some of his soothing knowledge salve. Last month, he received a question about a tight butthole and used it as an opportunity to talk about the broader topic of male anal masturbation (or assturbation, which – while it’s clever – gives me a strange case of the “ookies” when I say it).

Assturbation almost never gets the attention it properly deserves. It is misunderstood by noobs and virgins on tumblr as a substitute for fucking (which is also a conflation that happens with genital masturbation and intercourse), instead of a distinct and significant practice with its own set of pleasures and excitements. And it is that confusing of ideas that likely prevents people from exploring it as its own thing.

I know, even for me, my focus when I’m tryina cram plugs or vibratey things up there is “boy, this will be so great when I can finally do this with a big penis!” And that takes me out of the situation at hand, forcing me to view it as a means to a different end – a rehearsal – instead of an end all to itself. Sort of like when I first started jacking off as a kid and naively imagined that I was simply “practicing” for all of the intercourse I would soon be having.

It wasn’t until I let myself melt into masturbation as its own incredible game that I really began to understand why it mattered or what I was doing. When I see people who jack off violently and stiffly, or as if they’d just been awarded a penis that morning, I imagine they must think they’re just “practicing” for something else.

But, I digress.

Here is Bruce’s response to that tight butthole guy, with emphasis added by me on stuff I found especially helpful:

Assturbation With A Tight Anus

by Bruce P. Grether, Bate Master

As you’ve learned, anal insertion isn’t as easy as it looks in most of the porn videos, where in reality the guys receiving into their anus are already very experienced and stretched. In your real life, there are a number of safe and effective ways to work towards safely accepting something bigger, and being able to enjoy it.

First of all, be aware that your body arouses from front-to-back, so don’t even attempt any insertion until after you stimulate your penis for a while, say 20 or 30 minutes at least. Begin gradually, don’t rush; yes, plenty of lube is always good. Use a finger or smooth object rubbing across and around the external sphincter. Push inward and pull back for a while without actual insertion. Take your time.

Further, be aware that the anus has two sphincter muscles shaped like tight little donuts: the external (which you can see with a hand mirror), and a bigger inner muscle. The outer muscle at the surface is under voluntary control, though the stronger inner muscle is more under automatic or unconscious control. To put it bluntly, consider what happens when you poop. Moving from inside, your body knows when you need to eliminate waste. You become aware of it when that inner sphincter relaxes to signal your brain, then you’re ready, you can relax the outer muscle, and it happens.

A major part of insertion is that you can accept something into your body most successfully when you really want to when you are really ready. That inner muscle will relax and be willing to stretch. Insertion tends to feel like backward elimination at first and requires some getting used to. Be patient; never force it if it’s really painful, though it’s likely to get intense. Take your time, and if you use fingers, graduate from one to two, then to three when you’re ready. You’ll feel it when the inner sphincter is ready.

That is some of the most concise, clear, and helpful advice I’ve ever read about butt stuff, and I can’t wait to get home fro the gym tonight and rub my own butt until it’s ready to open like a magic door; on its own, special time.

As a reward for reading all of that, here’s Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat, deep into his own assturbation: