Anthro Sharks are Sexy Nightmare Factories

Anthro creations are often sexy, impossible monsters, but how do you do sexy without arms, legs, or genitals?

[Updated 01.09.22]

Ok. Couple of confessions, just right off the top: one, I watched The Meg this weekend. I don’t know why. I don’t recommend it. It wasn’t good, but it was fine. If you aren’t familiar, The Meg was a 2018 Jaws rip-off about scientists off the coast of China discovering a massive species of shark, believed to be extinct, hiding out in the Mariana Trench. Which is – whatever. Sure.

The second confession is that this started out as a post about Jason Statham, who stars in The Meg (as much as anyone can “star” opposite a 90 foot megalodon). I have a love and admiration for Statham that knows no bounds, and I’ll watch almost any terrible movie he makes, simply because he’s in it. Originally, this was going to be a random gallery of Jason Statham nudes, stapled together with a thin premise of, “how about that! Jason Statham’s penis!”

But I accidentally on purpose stumbled into some corners of the internet that I probably would do better to avoid, and eded up spending hours scanning through endless art works featuring anthro sharks doing all the things that anthro sharks do. We’ve talked lots about anthro art here before, but the condensed version – if you don’t know – is that it’s a genre of furry art (or furry-adjacent, depending on who you ask) involving animal creatures with decidedly humanoid features and genitals. It’s a particular favorite of area mine and you’ve seen it here in works like this guy turning into a donkey, the cartoon We Bare Bears, and a feature about the artist behind the header image of this post, Anhes.

But, you’ll be unsurprised to imagine the challenges imposed on this style, when the animals in question lack even the basic structure of upright humans (think: arms, legs, necks) but are still crafted to conform to male human beauty standards. It’s a tremendously fascinating thing to see the myriad ways artists overcome these obstacles to make creatures that are rather empirically beautiful, even if, as in the case of anthro sharks, they are inherently terrifying! Let’s look at some!

We’ve talked about the unparalleled work of Anhes before, and while I know precious little about that individual, I do know their work gives me a lot of boners. This fucking foreskinned muscle shark is no exception. Wow. See more of Anhes’ work here.

These are mystifying interpretations, but I guess if you’re gonna go full hole, you gotta have a butt in which to do it. I’m fascinated by the idea of hairy sharks, and it won’t be the last we see of these. Left to right these are the works of Kiba, Girokett, and MoreThreeDee (whose magnificent 3D works are just mind bending in their shocking eroticism).

This one should probably have gone in that butthole section above, but I find it so lovely that it really deserved to sit on its own. The startling composition aside, the style, which feels almost like paper with pen and watercolor, elevates this to something even more marvellous. Those hefty anthro shark balls and that perfectly crafted ballback is… just what I wanna see in sexy naked sharks. By Serex the Dragon/SharkyBoi, if you want to see more.

The POV on this one is probably what makes it so alluring to me, but the hair and those nipples don’t do anything to dissaude me. If I ran into this shark bro at InnDulge, I’d be more than happy to let him rest that big shark dong on my forehead while I sucked those majestic nards. WOof. The artist’s explanation for why this shark has body hair is pretty ace, too. I couldn’t agree more. Dream and Nightmare really makes some magic worth supporting.

Yaahhhhhhhhhsssss, muscle shark bro. Dang I miss the gym. Purp does good double dick action. Not to mention beautiful Bowsers (which look not unlike Derek Bolt, somehow). And sharks do technically have two penises. Sort of.

I actually picked this Shark Week stunner by SigmaX because it reminded me slightly of the work of BGN. And then I thought, wait. I bet BGN has drawn a TON of shark dongs!

And he totally HAS! BGN or Blue Guy Now is definitely due for his own post, because the way he sexualizes animals and turns them into ultimate dong-hanging bros is exactly my cuppa. I don’t necessarily want to imagine a shark blowjob like I’m seeing here. But I DO want to imagine hanging dong at the beach like this sexy naked antrho shark dude. Gorgeous all the way around. BGN is still somehow getting away with keeping his work on Tumblr, but follow him on IG and twitter, too. Just in case.

Whew! I think that’s all I have to say about shark dong for right now. As a reward, here’s some of the rando Jason Statham cock/hole I was starting to collect before I got sidetracked. Lots of it from MaleCelebritiesNaked over on Blogspot:

I’ve almost convinced myself I want to watch The Meg again…

-t