J Lube, Proudbator, Jockstraps, and Peloton – Summer stuff to get you through the hard times.
We haven’t done a Favorite Things post in aaaages! I started these way back when as a way to talk about stuff I liked that wasn’t quite deserving of its own full-length post, but that was worth sharing, regardless. And I’m not sure why we ever stopped that. Historically, they’re some of the more popular items on badwolf.blog, and they’re great conversation starters for first time meetings, too. Should you find yourself in need of fresh conversation after months trapped indoors.
Let’s see what kind of treasures have been making my life better the past couple of months:
This shit is brilliant, and I’m sad and embarrassed it took me so long to come across it. As dutiful followers will note, I’m terrible at bottoming (despite having the ass of somebody really good at it), and the only way I’ve been able to achieve any ground in practice sessions is with oil-based lubes that stay put and stay super-greasy. But oil-based lubes are death to condoms, and break down even the best rubber and silicone toys on a molecular level, so they’re not ideal for anything other than fisting and rawdogging. Which sucks. Cause neither of those things gets me hard.
J Lube is technically a veterinary obstetric lube (what they use to grease up those shoulder-length rubber gloves for reaching into cows and horses – and donkeys! – from the back), and is chemically inert. That means that it’s absolutely slippy af, and still won’t do anything to degrade condoms or toys, and won’t irritate delicate skin. That also means that it’s water-based, and won’t stain most fabrics. It might take a bit of scrubbing with soap to get the slippery off your hands and surfaces, but there won’t be any lasting marks or damage from J Lube.
It comes as a powder that makes gallons of actual lube per red and white J Lube bottle, and I’d bet once you try it, you’ll never go back to anything else. It’s not the world’s best for bate lube (that title still lives with Albolene), but if you’re an assturbator or just love cramming whatever you can into your butt, this might be your new Summer love. Buy it from sex toy stores in the know, or from vet supply companies like this one for half the price.
I don’t mean to sound melodramatic, but I’m pretty sure Peloton saved my life this Summer. It saved my sanity, if nothing else. Having this bike available to me whenever I was ready, along with the long list of classes of all varieties, hosted by enthusiastic and upbeat athletic personalities, replaced some of the stuff I got from the gym, pre-COVID.
While spin really isn’t my athletic activity of choice, thoughtful muscle dudes like Denis Morton made it a lot more bearable and enjoyable. I struggle through almost every ride, but picturing Denis sitting on my face motivates me like eating cake motivates regular people. It’s frustrating that, due to Peloton’s wholesome image factory, Denis’ online nudes are basically impossible to find.
But maybe there’s a lesson to be had there in the value of imagination. And how the real thing can never possibly live up to my imagined idea, no matter how badly I really really really want to see it.
Denis if you read this, message me bro. I promise to keep your secrets.
Bonus round: the Peloton logo kind of looks like a doodle of a dick in a condom with a reservoir tip. Nice!
Regular readers and masturbators don’t need any introduction to my imaginary bator boyfriend, Proudbator. And while he’s one of my favorite things every month, I’m including him here because he’s back in force with one of the best Just For Fans accounts you’ll find anywhere. If you’ve loved him for a while, show him some appreciation by subscribing to his endless vault of bator dong magic.
And before you go, check out his stellar interview with badwolf.blog from a couple years back. There’s nobody who gets it quite like this dude gets it. I’m real glad he’s still around.
* I couldn’t figure out how to talk about J Lube in this one.
Suck it, Animal Crossing.
I’m still playing loads of SDV in August, and still reveling in all the comfort and enviable smallness of that game’s beautiful 32 bit world. That I can run around and have sex with the townsfolk in exchange for gold bars and jewels is just the icing on the 32 bit cake. I’m so grateful for this game, and the filthy minded modders who created edits of it tailored for my exact interests.
A+, wouldn’t change a thing.
Just in general, ok?
One thing I haven’t quite sorted out for myself with regards to Peloton, is how regular cyclists are styling their genitals. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you my balls are so huge and floppy that I can’t possibly get comfortable on a bicycle seat. But I will sit here and tell you that they’re big and floppy enough that I haven’t figured out quite how yet.
Thank fuck for old-school-style jockstraps. I’ve never been fond of fashion jocks and find them mostly frivolous and uncomfortable (with pouches not often constructed for adult-size bits). I assume these are usually just jocks for kids, and I’ve grown out of their suggested age range, sadly. But a 3-inch waistband and industrial, ass-lifting elastic straps, with a full-size compression-strength pouch? That’s what’ll keep me safely tucked in while I’m pumping my way to Peloton Gold for August.
Cafe Del Mar’s live video feed
While they were closed for COVID reasons, the world famous Cafe Del Mar in Ibiza ran a YouTube live channel 24 hours a day, featuring the view from their patio scored by music from their mood-altering catalog. I can’t tell you how many long days over the last few months, I’ve played the live feed from Ibiza in my Toronto apartment, watching boats sail by, and the sun rise and set, wishing I were there to soak it in myself.
The last week or so they’ve switched to prerecorded video feed with their same incredible music, but it’s not quite the same as watching birds fly by, or noticing the sailboat slowly move from one side of the screen to the other over an hour. But the music and the vibes are like J Lube for your soul.
This is just a quick roundup of some of the things and people that are making my life a little better this summer. If you’ve got a favorite thing to share, the comments section is the place to do it! I love when you make time to read and reply, and I do my best to respond to every comment.
Hope you’re hanging in there with your own set of favorite stuff to help you along. And I strongly encourage you to grab some J Lube just so that you’ve got it. It’s really amazing.