Bulge Pics: Top 10 Stock Art Disappointments

From horny to downright confusing, stock photos of big bulges will always let you down.

If you’ve never had to search for stock art for anything, you might be blissfully unaware of what stupid, tedious chore it can be to find photos and illustrations that say what you need them to say, without saying anything else. Overwhelmingly featuring generic white models, stock images usually look sort of “off” in a way that can’t be explained without having seen hundreds of pages of them already.

And there’s nothing so hard as finding the right stock art for adult or adult-adjacent works. In doing some keyword research, I was repeatedly confronted with stock art sites topping google for terms like “bulge pics,” “dick bulge pics” and “male bulges images.“

So I decided to see if maybe times had changed, and one could suddenly find all the tempting practically penis pics you wanted on mainstream vanilla stock services.

Spoiler alert: you can’t.

10 Bulge Pic Bummers

The Amateur Hour

Tempted to believe this is just the photographer trying to hit some easy quotas. But it’s a respectable amount of beef, even if it’s a terrible photograph. Nice to spot some VPL/glans action. We won’t see a lot of that in this list.

Three stars for realism.

The Plastic Zipper Pants

Again a respectable handful of D&B here. Quasi-unnatural shaping due to the cheap plastic zipper and what appears to be extremely flammable fabric. But good for this guy!

Minus one star for not fixing the fold at the waistband or zipping down further.

The Posing Strap

Theres a TON of photos of this guy available, but weirdly, this was only one of two pics that came up for “bulge pic.” Maybe because he appears to be dressing up (which is where you point the penis straight up instead of over the balls or to one side). But I’m a sucker for a tan muscle man in a velvet biniki.

🧐

On closer inspection, I don’t know WHAT is going on in there. Is it mid swing like a pendulum?

Four stars for muscles and long hair.

The Elephant Man

I don’t know what I can say about this one that the wall-eyed elephant face isn’t already saying for me. I get the JOKE here, but like… where are the balls supposed to go? Why wouldn’t you make the ears part of the pouch so the balls could sit someplace normal? Who is this for? Why does it look so uncomfortable?

The world will never know. 2 stars.

(Seriously where are the balls.)

The “Artistic Nude”

Another relatively healthy looking amount of meat and potatoes. Lots of potatoes, from the look. Another image suggesting that the model has a glans (and is probably uncircumcised). VPL is extremely unheard of in stock art. These are Hanes briefs, even though they’ve rubbed that bit out on the waistband. I used to wear these exact ones and they do bunch up this way and it is pretty flattering. I’ve also used this exact stock photo in a few different projects. Glad it made the list.

5 stars for fat balls and excellent BW contrast levels.

The Basement Pervert

I can maybe think of 1-2 situations where you might need a naked mannequin photo to illustrate or demonstrate something. But I can’t come up with any scenario where you’d need a man’s hand running up the thigh of that mannequin, while his pinky ever so gently caresses the round plastic testicle area.

Unsettling. 1/2 star.

The Vascular Cartoon

Truly baffling. I guess there is a HINT of something happening in those shorts? But the crazy proportions and strange use of foreshortening (not to mention that the man appears to have two sets of biceps and one pec 2X the size of the other) make it extremely unhorny and confusing. I shouldn’t have to look so hard to see gym bulge.

1 star.

The Locktober

Another prominent VPL entry! But if you look close, you’ll notice nobody has a glans that wide or flat. This guy is most definitely wearing a chastity cage. Why they don’t mention this in the description is odd, since that robot-like anatomy is so very noticeable on first glance:

Two stars for failing to disclose Locktober progress.

The Baller

Chalk it up to misogyny that we can’t get any real horny bulge pics, but it’s dead easy to find a fully topless woman pulling desperately at some (oddly rolled down) briefs in search of her own big dick bulge to enjoy.

Plus, we used advanced AI technology to better understand what was happening in this misshapen pouch and uncovered some shocking truths:

One star for misogyny.

The Winner

Holy shit! You never see bluges, VPL, and jockstrap in the same image! This is amazing. This actually deserves to rank for bulge pic on google! And bonus points for never once using the keyword “gay” to describe this man. The description just says “a man changing clothes.”

Incredible! 6 Stars!

I hope you never have to look for stock art for any reason. But if you do, don’t forget to see what the penis-havers selection looks like. Sometimes you find a really stellar bulge pic! Mostly though it’s this:

-t