Oh, WikiHow. Is there anything you don’t know how to WikiDo? If you don’t own an actual jockstrap (what? Why not?), then Wikihow – that infallible guide to the universe that previously brought us How to Wash Your Penis, amongst many other wonderful bits of advice – has some tips on how to get […]
My Neighbors Can Hear Me Masturbating: A Short Story
I have lived in this apartment for four years, and I discover new things all the time. One of the best things about life on the Upper East Side of Manhattan is how quiet it is. The streets are quiet, the people on the streets are quiet, and in the summer you can sleep […]
Top 5 Instagram Posts of 2017
I know it’s a cheat post, but I miss you guys. Can you believe we made it through all of December without any commentary on guys not connecting during Penis Time, or why Assturbation is just as important as the front stuff? I can. But that’s because I live here. And I’ve been going […]
The Weather Dick: “Last Week Tonight” Panders Directly To Me
I’m a big big fan of the accidental weather penis phenomenon. Just a quick update today to cover Sunday’s episode of Last Week Tonight, where John Oliver basically said, five minutes into the episode, “and now, here’s something for Tyler the Badwolf, specifically.” But with his accent he pronounced it “and now, dicks.” […]
Fuck Yeah Norway: Troll Penis Rock to be Reconstructed
Outrage transformed into fundraising shows my people have their penis priorities right. You know, I always think I’m gonna stay on top of the blogging and penis news updates when I’m traveling, but that so rarely happens. As I’m sure the next post down will tell you, I was in Tampa/St. Petersburg this past week, […]
Helicopter Penis: Pull a Helicopter With Your Penis!
Because, hey! Why the fuck not! Oh, blessed google alerts. You bring so much into my world. Just this week, for instance: Tai Chi ‘master’ pulls helicopter along with only his penis, breaking ‘world record’ OH! Lots to unpack there. Both “master” and ” world record” in scare quotes. But “helicopter” and […]