The single best thing you can do with regards to sex, sexuality, and your penis, is to never stop learning. There is nothing about sex that allows anyone to achieve true “expert” status (with perhaps this one exception), and, while you might be or become a teacher, you should alway try to remain a student.
When it comes to things that might not be quite your speed, or things that you find yourself exceptionally drawn to, examine the qualities of what that is and what it means to you. Learning about what turns you on and what gets you up and over the edge is the best part of masturbation.
Well, that and the jizzing.
What’s incredible about staying in “learning” mode is that it actually makes you a better sex partner for yourself and for others. Every person you are with, every penis that you touch is an opportunity to learn! And likewise for that other person. You have the chance to help them explore their likes or limits and to generate some cosmic Penis connection in the process.
Nobody is there. Nobody is done. Nobody knows everything there is to know about the ways pleasure is incited or achieved. Embrace learning as the most important part of every encounter, and live a more fulfilled and worthwhile life.
If you’re here strictly to see and talk Penis, this one might seem like a weird one. I get it. But this is a key and crucial ingredient to everything we talk about on this blog.
There are lots of different kinds of love that humans are capable of experiencing, but the one most often associated with the word itself is the idea of romantic love. Which is cool! I’m never gonna knock romantic love.
But, equally significant and powerful are the independent ideas of self love (the loving of one’s self and body) and fraternal love (the sense of brotherhood innate in male gendered humans).
Self love has something of a hippy dippy new age feel to the term itself, but is a foundational element in each of our masturbation practices. Even without knowing it, you are quite literally expressing and generating love for your self when you masturbate. Bestowing and generating pleasure – to which you are innately entitled as a child of the universe – and learning to experience that pleasure without any accompanying shame or disqualifying emotions is the ultimate success for bators.
Within bator culture, what often accompanies the practice of generating pleasure and stacking up those endorphins, is the notion of male camaraderie or fraternal love. It becomes easy to see our universal sameness when we’re naked and penising openly in front of one another. It also becomes a lot harder to see our differences. Expressions of fraternal love are not traditionally valued in western cultures, due to homophobia and the ever present ties of toxic masculinity (both of which hold deep roots in misogyny). It just isn’t considered “normal” or “ok” for men to express intimacy (verbal or physical) toward one another, without an assumption that they must then be sexually attracted.
Bators side step the discomforts of this expression by validating and encouraging the arousal and pleasure of their brothers, whether they find them sexually desirable or not. It’s quite literally, not a gay thing here. You can experience and share love with someone without being IN love with them, regardless of their (or your) gender or identity. Not everybody is going to be able to understand that right now, and that’s ok! Love them like your brothers anyway and let them learn from our example.
Self love and fraternal love underpin a lot of the art and stories about which we talk here. Because they’re poorly understood ideas, they are commonly mistaken for romantic or misplaced/abusive romantic love. When viewed through a lens of fraternal love, the motivations and actions of many of the characters in Josman comics or Nifty stories become clearer and less sinister.