This is—hands down—the most frequently used word on this website. It also enjoys eternal prominence in google search trends, and those two reasons entitle it to two very distinct definitions in how we will discuss penis.
The first way is the penis as it exists as a part of basic human anatomy. Understanding the structures and mechanics of this organ will allow us to talk about all the cool stuff we can do with them with accuracy and detail.
The human penis is a primary structure of male reproductive system and usually a core sex part for non-reproductive sexual function. The penis also serves as the urinal duct in humans. Most of the penile structure develops from the same embryonic tissue as the clitoris in female bodies. Similarly, the skin around the penis and the urethra come from the same embryonic tissue as the labia minora.
Penises most often exist as either natural/intact, or surgically altered to have the penile foreskin removed causing long-term changes to the glans and associated nerve endings. Childhood circumcision is a controversial issue about which this blog will pull no punches. It is nothing short of child abuse and is literal infant genital mutilation. Whether an adult human decides to have their foreskin altered is, and only ever should be, their own decision. In first world countries there is no legitimate medical imperative to circumcise, and it is instead treated as the “preference” of the parent(s).
Circumcising children without their consent robs them of bodily autonomy, full stop.
Using the terms “uncut” or “uncircumcised” creates a false linguistic dichotomy in which the circumcised penis is reinforced as the natural or more normal state (negated with the un- prefix). This is false and we will not use those terms to describe a VO penis.
That said, it is a fundamental truth that all penises are beautiful and deserving of pleasure, care, and respect. I love your penis.
Penis (Capital P)
Distinct from the anatomical structure of the penis, is the idea of Penis, which we will indicate here with a capital-P.
Penis can be thought of as the cosmic connector of maleness; the conduit to our primal self and our place in the universe. Captial-P Penis is a concept which defies orientation and labeling, as it relates purely to the experience of having a penis and employing it as a sensory input mechanism akin to fingertips, noses, and eyes. Penis can be rephrased as one’s sense of Penis.
The idea of Penis is often what is being invoked with penisbabble about “dong” and “penis” or “fukkin penis,” which features in a lot of bator media. This kind of trance-like speak is a recognition of the primal maleness and lust associated with penile stimulation and masturbation. It isn’t structured prayer, as such, but it is a naming of the beast in a way. And it is a calling to the unifying spirit of male penile pleasure and experience. We are all in the know, as it were, of the sensations and emotional opening of Penis. We share that. That is our brotherhood.
Penis is our sameness, manifested.
The verb form of penis, and a quasi-synonymous term for masturbation or bating. Penising is distinct from general, perfunctory masturbation in the sense that it is focused usually solely on the penis itself, and incorporating elements of ritual and/or shared identifiable physical behaviours. Whether intentional by the bator or not, it can be a kind of trance-like worship or recognition of Penis. Key hallmarks of penising (as compared to just jacking off or otherwise performative bate), include things like:
- A very rigid, sustained erection
- Glazed or unfocused eyes
- Open mouth
- An overall inability/disinterest in flexing, flirty, or worrying about how you look to others.
- Adoption of bate postures or batespread
Penising is a favorite bate style of mine because it is largely difficult to fake. Unlike gooning or other performative styles, the stimulation and internal experience associated with penising is so overpowering, one can’t often expend energy showing off or thinking about who is watching.
In a lot of ways, this is a bedrock idea for this blog. Being able to talk about our bodies, our genitals, and our experiences with sexual pleasure is crucial to destigmatizing and normalizing all of those things. When we use penis pride here we mean the overall state or concept of being proud of and comfortable with the size, shape, and function of one’s genitals, irrespective of relative size, intact status, ethnicity, or perceived flaws.
Penis pride is not to be conflated with gay pride or male pride, or even the idea of pridefulness as boastful or conceited (it’s not penis arrogance).
Having and sharing penis pride has everything to do with the genuine, internally-felt comfort the possessor has about his relationship with his body. Even the smallest dicks in the world can be imbued with penis pride, if they are loved and shown love by the men attached to them. When I say “I love your penis,” I mean it! You are worthy of love.
Be proud of what you have. It is amazing and you are lucky! Show it, share it, and learn about how your own penis connects you to all of us.
Poppers are a chemical accessory to masturbation or penetrative sex that acts as a short term vasodilator when inhaled. Masturbators often use Poppers as a pathway to decreased self-consciousness, and intensity/focus building. Each wave of sensation after inhaling poppers tends to last from 30-60 seconds, making it a lower-risk experience (if you try and find it isn’t for you, you’re not committed to it for the next 6-7 hours like other chemical entertainment). While different bodies can experience the “rush” of poppers differently, shared effects tend to be a bodily warming sensation, blood rush to the face and chest, a fogginess of the thought process allowing background noise and thoughts to become unclear, and a sense of importance or gravity of the moment.
For me, this last element is crucial to a good poppers experience. The feeling of “what I am doing is very important and serious” is difficult to describe to outsiders, but anyone who has experienced it will know immediately what it means. When shared with a buddybate partner, this element is often magnified and acts to assure each bator that their pleasure and vulnerability is deeply shared between them; through this, the bonding element of Penis is heightened.
Because Poppers directly and very seriously affect blood pressure and heart function, it is essential that you understand your health status and the ramifications of combining a vasodilator with any medications or other recreational substances you may be using. Because they are easily and commercially available, poppers are imagined to be unserious or largely harmless. This is false, but knowledge about how they function and how they will affect you will help you to decide if they’re something you want to incorporate into your bate.
Preference, just a
So much of the meat of this blog is rooted different experiences, different preferences, and conversations about what those mean to us as whole beings. While our sexual preferences*, like our preferences in food, music, or television shows, might appear to be inborn ideas about which we can do nothing, closer inspection and psychological research shows this is largely untrue.
Preferences are learned based on repeated exposure to an image, object, or idea, over the course of a lifetime, and may not be stable over the course of that same lifetime. Our preferences are initally constructed with heavy influence from our family, friends, and culture. We may view them as outside our direct control, but are they? Unlike other uncontrolled traits like hair color or height, preference can be demonstrably affected by decision making processes, like choices. It may seem like one just has a preference for older men or daddies, but the reality is that preference is likely attributable to a frequency of exposure to and perceived normalization of sexualizing a particular older male archetype.
In the context of sexual preferences, it might be useful to think of the notion of “preference” as being more directly related to “habit.” Habits form for a variety of reasons, and largely go unchecked until they are recognized as harmful. Then it may become important to try to break that habit by repeated exposure to a replacement behavior or a total cold turkey cessation.
Preferences aren’t by definition harmful. But when they are centered around things like fetishizing race or violence, they may be worth examining. Understanding why one has a particular preference and where it began or was first recognized, may be enough to break the spell of “beyond my control” that most of us associate with our preferences. But it may also take more work and repeated exposure to ideas or things that are in diametric opposition to the preferred thing.
Rather than speaking to political correctness or imagined culture wars, the inherent value of examining our preferences is the big-boy ability to humanize what we find sexually alluring. To recognize that the men who appear on XHamster when you type in “BBC Gang Bang” are people who are exposing their pleasure and vulnerability, and confronting shame and stigma thrust upon them by IRL communities and the internet at large. They are humans. Just like you. When we talk about guys like Phil Williams here, we talk about him being a person. A person who enthusiastically and openly demonstrates his sexual pleasure for the explicit enjoyment of others. But, at the end of the day, when he puts his pants back on, a human person – just like me.
Sex workers and performers are deserving of respect and legitimacy. Sex work is work. Understanding the roots and origins of our allegedly uncontrollable preferences can help us to know why we like what we like, how we might open up to liking new and different things, and how we can release the likes that relegate our brothers to less-than status. Fraternal love leaves room for you to not be into some things. But it asks for your honesty about why.
*When we say sexual preferences, what we’re speaking to is preferred pornography, art, masturbation styles, fantasy, and things of that nature. Sexual orientation is the term used to describe bigger labels like homosexual, heterosexual, or questioning.