Raindrops on kittens, etc, etc. Let’s talk about penis stuff!
It’s been a while since I did a favorite things list, so I’m gonna try to get back into the habit of this. I like what a conversation starter is for guys who read this and can be like “I forgot to tell you! I ordered that thing you said you liked and it totally changed how awesome my penis is and I love it!” and it’s also good inspiration if you ever need to get me an emergency present! Although I own most of this stuff already, which is how it’s become a Favorite Thing™. Also, let’s ignore the fact that I’m sliding this in under the wire, as far as actual September is concerned. I’ll try to do one for October that maybe happens in the beginning of October.
To the things!
This Oval-shaped Scrotal Weight
We all know I’m big on ball stretching, and I’m excited to try a shape that might work a little better on my actual nuts. The round or donut styles are pretty good, but I can definitely slide out if it’s hot and my nuts are sweaty. Or if I’m walking long distances. I guess the bouncing against my leg all day allows my nards to sneak past the ring and it slides right off once one has escaped. I’ve got this on order and I’ll be excited to see what it’s like in real life.
Emotion • Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen
I don’t even care if you don’t think CRJ is cool. I’m done pretending like Emotion wasn’t the freaking album of the year last year. It was so perfectly crafted, and so expertly executed by Jepesen, that I think we’ve all grounds for a civil suit against that Tayler Swaft person for “theft of awards and recognition.” Whatever her name is. Terrible. Jepsen decided to treat us all to a reminder of how great Emotion was last month by tossing out a “B Sides” record, comprised of tracks that didn’t make the initial cut for Emotion in 2015. And it’s amazing. Every song is seamless and there’s even a going to the store reference. But it’s enjoyable from beginning to end and the work of someone who really loves what she does. If you like things that are good, I certainly recommend this one.
I come back and visit this show pretty often these days though I can’t bring myself to finish the last new bits on Netflix because then it will just be over. It’s a much deeper and darker look at how people treat each other and the relationships that we choose to have with others and with ourselves, than one might expect from first glance. It’s certainly deeper than the myriad furry illustrations of the various characters there are on tumblr. Although, I’m not totally put off by those. Just the ones that involve Bojack or Mr. Peanutbutter having a human penis. That’s my one major issue with Furry art – human genitals do not belong on your gorgeously illustrated tableau of a dog and a horse making passionate love to each other! It doesn’t make any gd sense!
But Bojack is immensely enjoyable and features some of my favorite people doing some really top-shelf voice acting. Most especially Amy Sedaris who might be playing one of the most interesting roles of her career: a talking cat who used to fuck a horse and now does his PR. Very worth your time, but be prepared to feel confusing ways.
These Two Thongs
After I posted this thing about Masc Thongs, I ended up in a LOT of conversations with people about thongs. It was pretty great and I’m glad to defend them as an underwear choice every day of the week (and even more on Thursdays!). I also ended up shopping for thongs, because that’s just how my brain works. I’m a little suspicious of that red one, but Groovin’ has done very well by me in the past so I think it’s worth a try. Still circling my cart for the time being. The one I’m really ready to commit to is this N2N silk number from International Jock. That thing looks comfy af and I would love to run around town for an afternoon in that and my new oval ball weights (thongs are great for holding weighted testicles), just to see how well it’s made. I’m open to advice on these though, if you have notes about which might fit/look better.
It’s sad times for the jock-minded among us. The BIKE brand jockstrap has been discontinued by its Russel Athletic holding company. If you’re unfamiliar, you’re likely better off than the rest of us, because this was – hands down – the best athletic jock made today. The thick waistband and durable, comfortable pouch keeps everything exactly where you want it, and in a flattering, sexy manner. You always know if you see somebody in the locker room stripping off a BIKE jock, that dude was there to do serious work, and not just to show off his Andrew Christian fashion nonsense jockstrap. We’re all worse off for losing this product.
If you ever wanna get me a surprise that I will absolutely wear into shreds, you can still find these on ebay, and I wear a medium. RIP, BIKE.
Baby Oil Gel
I’ve always been a fan of baby oil as a skin thing (and more than occasionally a masturbation thing), but it’s sloppy and drippy and if you don’t do apply it standing in the tub, it’s gonna be all over the bathroom floor and rugs. A few years ago, I picked up the gel version of Johnson’s Baby Oil and I’ve never looked back. I like the cocoa butter variety, personally, because it has a chocolatey, sweet smell that mixes well with my balls. Even if I don’t put it all over after a shower, I make sure my cock and balls are well lubed up and spend a little bit of extra time really massaging this stuff into my skin. It’s spectacular for helping a metal cockring sit comfortably all day long, and helps your scrotal skin adapt to the constant stretch of weights.
Pro Level: take it to the Russian Baths with you, and apply an even layer all over your body before you dress to leave. Your skin will be baby smooth and soft for days afterwards.
I’ve been a fan of this guy for a long time, and I’ve been lucky to meet him a couple of times in person. I’ve got a pretty detailed interview with Roy coming up here (possibly later this week) where we talk about everything from incest to how to properly appreciate a beautiful penis. This guy is fascinating and as gifted a cocksucker as anyone has ever seen. You should do yourself a favor and spend some time with his XTube channel to watch him suck dicks that would choke any normal man, and follow him on twitter. If you love sucking dick and swallowing loads, Roy might be your new best friend.
That’s my September list. I highly recommend checking out all of these things (even the stuff I haven’t gotten yet) and am fast compiling a new list for October. What kinda penis stuff are you into right now? A great toy? Fancy lube? Just excessively masturbating? Lemme know in the comments or head over to About to send me a message.