A monster gallery celebrating yet another of those things Disney never expected to be sexualized by children once they grew up
As a child, I can remember very clearly seeing Beauty and the Beast and thinking, not just that all those living appliances were definitely fuckin’ (they made no bones about Lumiere and the feather duster being a thing), but that the beast must be especially sad because nobody wanted to penis with him. If I’d had the audacity to say this out loud, I have no doubt my parents would have killed themselves laughing, but it stuck with me as an idea for a long time.
When I saw the movie again as a teenager, I was definitely weirdly attracted to the Beast, and had a sort of “if we were together, I wouldn’t try to change him,” monologue running in my brain, imagining how much better for him I’d be than that woman who didn’t want to even be there in the first place! “We’d figure the sex out,” I imagined. He was just a transformed human man, after all. Not literally a big dog or bear or something. And thus began my sexual fantasies about all the stuff Beast and I would get up to, away from the prying eyes of the French countryside and all those talking lamps and wardrobes.
It would be silly to think that every little homo who saw that movie didn’t wanna rub Gaston’s bulge, too. And evidently this new live action version of Beauty and the Beast set for release in about a week and a half, is playing up the gay stuff real hard. There’s a clip of Gaston (the song) in the link, and I definitely felt my nips get a little harder watching him roll his eyes and be super hot and arrogant. So, glad to know that part of me is still alive and well, too.
As an adult, it’s gratifying sometimes to stumble upon a Rule 34 site search for something and be informed that loads of other guys were similarly affected by bizarre ideas like Beast sex or Gaston’s (probably large, probably uncircumcised) wang. So much so, they created amazing artworks to express their affections. Here’s a Beastly (!) gallery of all of my favorite bits from Rule 34 and the internet, at large. I’ll try to link to artist’s pages where I can find them. But if your work is here and you want it removed (or linked) just get in touch and I’ll make it so.
Beauty and the Beast: Beast Penis
And, as I said, we’d be remiss not to include the sexy-even-though-he’s-not-meant-to-be Gaston.
Beauty and the Beast: Gaston Penis
It’s not letting me link individual images out of the galleries, so please know that this page includes works by the following artists and you should visit them and give them your money:
I can’t believe I’m gonna go jack off to Disney characters as an adult, but that’s what’s about to happen. I’m comin’ for you, Beast. Rwwr.
If your work is featured here and you’d rather it was not, or would prefer an additional/edited credit, I’m thrilled to comply. Just let me know.