There are close to 1000 penises currently uploaded to Wikipedia.

Oh, man. What a strange evening and morning I have had, tunneling into the depths of Wikipedia and the message boards and communities that constantly update, edit, and contribute to that site’s global success. It should be no surprise to learn that lots of people look up sex things on Wikipedia (this blog links to it constantly to explain obscure terms or anatomy), and Wikipedia has collected an image gallery to suit all of the illustrative needs of all of those sex thing articles.

It should also be no surprise that the articles about male masturbation and anatomy are well-populated by exhibitionists and fuckkin masturbators. Wikipedia is not the forum in which to celebrate penis masturbation in a real way, but a keen eye can spot those greasy, shaved, bloated bator dongs from a mile off. And some of them even make it into legitimate Wiki articles.

What a magical time to be alive!

I’ve collected a handful of my favorites here, and included their attribution information (to stay on the right side of the Creative Commons licensing). But you can check out the full 886 images at the link at the bottom.

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The best WikiPenises, in no particular order:

That’s not your grandfather’s penis. Or, you know, maybe it is! Good for you, 64 year old Oldercock. That’s a fucking bator beauty and I hope you’re mighty proud of that. 

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Shaftwear and manbulge. I will eternally be in awe of dudes who wear this kinda shit to the beach. Y’all are kings, and your penis pride is inspirational. Keep it up, Ramrodrob. 

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THOSE are some massive German nuts right there, my friend. That is a pair of blessings this dude should be holding, coddling, and showing off every day of his life. I like balls – we’ve covered that before. 

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I love when they curve up so aggressively like that. That’s grade-A penis right there.

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There’s some greasy bator dong! You can’t hide in the educational folds of Wikipedia from me! Todd Asch has that big metal dong ring on, and his shaved down dong is greased, bloated, and ready to get penised! Awesome. 

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There’s another bator. I bet most of the guys reading this are familiar with that face. And with the myriad ways one can contemplate one’s own penis. 

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YES! Mark’s got one of the most recent entries in this list, and just exactly the sort of attitude I’m on the hunt for in this blog. If you can’t smile when you’ve got a big rigid dick like that, and such a spectacular bate spread, then it’s time to examine your life choices. Mark knows what’s going on.  

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There’s another out/proud masturbator with a greasy bator dong. Shaved pubes aren’t for everyone, but they’re certainly a testament to ones commitment to bate life. There’s nothing quite like being streamlined, lubed, and packing a big bloater like Kriptzone there. 

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TFW you’re so serious about bate that you grease up EVERYTHING, without just stopping at the penis. This guy would be super fun to stroke with. Back to Thailand with me!

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Luemmel is one of the most prolific penis contributors to Wikipeida (this actually started as a post just about him!), and has submitted tons of photos that are used in articles about gear, ejaculation, arousal, and masturbation technique. This guy is a true hero of penis pride, and his willingness (insistence?) to share is unrivaled in the Wikiverse.

Some of my favorite Lummels:

I think if I had a beautiful German penis like that, I’d be excited to share it from every side, too. 

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Whatever you think about Wikipedia’s refusal to censor dongs (and there’s plenty of folks who are pissed off that these images and files are readily accessible and not concealed behind child filters), there’s something positive going on here. This isn’t a way to shock or offend people, and none of these guys is sharing these in an imposing or threatening way. How could you, on Wikipedia?

They’re saying “hey, this is what my body looks like. This is what my penis looks like. This is what it can do,” and sharing that, boldly, with anyone who needs to illustrate real life in a wiki article.

This isn’t about some kind of sexual impropriety, and it isn’t made to force anyone to experience anything they don’t want to experience. In all honesty, it’s probably a comforting and real way for young dudes to check and make sure there’s nothing wrong with their own penises. The ones featured in porn are never going to be representative of the human male as a group, and the size, curve, color, and alteration styles presented in this catalog are diverse as hell.

Imagine that there’s at least one kid out there who stumbles across these 800+ photos, and thinks “oh. This guy’s dick is small/cut/uncut/fat/curved/brown/big, too,” and then gets to devote that much less life force to worrying about the way his genitals are.

Thanks Wikipedia.

-t