I’m not ashamed of how small something has to be to fit into my butt. Shut up.

I’m sure I don’t need to start this by saying all kinds of glowing BS about Fort Troff, right? I mean I already did it about these underwears, and this skin lightener, and it’s all the same stuff I say whenever I talk about them anyway: they’re at the top of their game, they’re the first place I go when I need toys for my penis, they really get what men are looking for from toys and gear, etc, etc, etc. You know all that. And the odds are, based on the IRL conversations I have with guys, you already send them money pretty regularly. So we can skip it.

A while back I talked about getting hypnotized by my buddy Neil, in an effort to learn how to bottom better (read: at all). It’s been a slow, slow, unimpressive, fucking journey, due in large part to the fact that – while I’m thinking about my b-hole differently and all the time – I’m not putting enough stuff up in there to get any real progress made.  In fact. Since I’m thinking about it, I’m gonna go grab a plug and see if I can write this whole post with that thing in there.  So hang on.

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Ok. Ok. I did it. I got the smallest plug I own in there and it only took about 22 minutes from start to sitting back down at the computer. It’s in there right now. And I’m sweating a little bit because of it. But I’m gonna soldier on. Back to the thing:

Of the arsenal of things that have been recommended to me to advance my ‘anal knowledge’ (as my friend likes to call it, playing off the biblical expression ‘carnal knowledge,’), few have been as actually enjoyable as the P-Spot Buzz that I got from Fort Troff. I’ve got an army of butt plugs, several dildos (including one modeled off my friend, a semi racist one that someone sent me when I was at Manhunt, and a very serious steel one that I’ve only had the courage to rub up against my butt thus far), and two vibraty things. But the only thing I seem to be able to cram up there and tolerate it long enough for it to start to become fun is the PS Buzz. Let’s look at why that is:

Here is our SMALLEST P-Spot toy…so you can drop it in with ease…but don’t let the size fool you. It’s got 7 ASS BUSTIN’ vibes. Alternate your buzz from a deep slow RUMBLE and ramp up to a LOAD SHOOTIN’ pulse. You gotta ride it to believe it…furiously strokin’ your cock and feeling the VIBES inside and out. Your COMPLETE nut bustin’ satisfaction is our guarantee.

Ok well I don’t think it’s totally necessary for them to constantly point out that this the smallest possible thing they can send you (“we could hardly even find it to put in the box to ship it! A business-sized envelope would have totally sufficed! In fact, from now on we’re just going to tape them to the back of postcards! LITTLE postcards! That’s how totally fucking small this thing is, you gd coward!“). But it is quite small (the 3.8 stands for inches).

The thing is, so is my butthole! So as someone who’s just learning how to work that side of things, this little guy is perfect.

It does indeed have 7 “ass-bustin’ vibes” although I can really only tolerate two of them so far. The one that goes like zzzZZZZZZZZzzzzz is my favorite and the only one I can do long term (more than 10 minutes). But you’ll have to figure out what you like best, since they are very distinct sensations.

One of the best parts about this toy is that it is a solid thing that seems like I could probably even take it SCUBA diving, if I really wanted to. There isn’t even a real port to charge it – you have to pierce the top of it with a pointy USB cable (included) that you then plug in to an outlet or other USB port. So I really feel comfortable both washing it really really well before and after, and completely drowning it in lube to get it positioned right. I can’t imagine how any liquid damage could occur since it’s basically sealed in silicone.

Speaking of lubes, I doubt I’d even be writing this review if it weren’t for FT’s Max Relax gel lubricant. It’s the only thing that’s let me make any inroads with any of the toys I have, while still allowing me to feel that they’re in there. Personally, I’m a big fan of good old fashioned chemicals to do things like numb my asshole (if I knew where to buy whatever they inject into my jaw at my dentist’s office, for recreational use, I’d already be fisting myself), but Max Relax really seems to make use of whatever the “natural ingredients” are, and it takes away some of the burn and pinch-facedness that accompany me putting things inside me. But without totally numbing everything out to an “is it in yet??” extreme.

Despite what the FT promo pics show as a serving suggestion, I haven’t managed to try it on a public toilet while smoking a cigarette yet, but I guess that’s not out of the question. Mostly it’s something I’ve taken to doing for as long as I can stand it while I watch TV and record snapchat videos on the couch. But I love taking it with me to share with bros, too. I’ve probably sold at least a handful of these to people I know by working them into our playtime and slowly figuring out which ‘ass bustin vibe’ suits them best. I have yet to introduce this to someone without having them go “ohhhhh! And where did you get this?”

I genuinely really like what the P-Spot Buzz does for me. I’m not totally ready to hand it over to someone else to use ON me, but we’re headed that way. And that feels like progress. If you’re no Armond Rizzo yourself, I highly recommend the Buzz to get you on a path to putting more/bigger stuff in there in the future.

For whatever it’s worth, this might be the least ‘gay’ seeming butt toy you’re bound to find, so if you’re not into putting faux penises inside you, but you understand that you’ve got a prostate that feels cool when you buzz it, this might be the thing for you, straight guys.

And even if you’re already pretty well versed in your ‘anal knowledge,’ this might be a nice, relaxing toy for your ‘off’ nights. Or for when you can’t find that foot-long, full-sized fist dildo you bought from amazon.

10/10 – Highly recommend.

It’s a good value for the money, and does everything they say it will. 

You can grab the Fort Troff P-Spot Buzz 3.8 here for just 45 bucks.

While you’re there, pick up some Max Relax, to ease the *tension.* 2oz, $12 

-t

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