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Party For One – The Fleshlight Turbo Review [X-Posted from the Bator Blog]

If you missed my review of the impressive Fleshlight Turbo over at the Bator Blog, please to enjoy:


 

[This review originally appeared November 26, 2018 on thebatorblog.com]

I’m not a big go-out-on-the-town-and-party-all-night kinda guy anymore. My early 30s have introduced me to the pleasures and luxuries of things like “staying in,” “having another cup of tea,” and “going to bed at a reasonable time.” Thus, Friday nights don’t hold the social appeal for me that they once did. That’s why I decided last Friday was the right time to finally crack my new Fleshlight Turbo out of its packaging and see if it lived up to its name.

A little context: I bought my first Fleshlight almost ten years ago (gosh, can that be right?) and learning to masturbate with that thing was something akin to a transcendent experience; everything I thought I knew about what I liked and what my penis needed was changed. It actually taught me to masturbate differently (see what I mean).

I experimented with different suction levels (adjusting the cap at the non-penis end of the Fleshlight allows one to restrict airflow, creating a vacuum within the chamber, as you thrust in and out), I experimented with different lubes, and most frustrating of all, I experimented with fucking it. Frustrating because, unless you’ve got one of those cool pieces of furniture with a hole ready made for your fleshlight tube, you’re gonna end up jamming that thing under pillows, between the mattress and box spring, between couch cushions, into shoes braced against the floor underneath you, and any number of other places I could someone could fit it and try to impregnate it.

But impregnate it I did.

I fucked that thing for ten solid years (with regular washings and cleanings and recoating the skin with that weird Fleshlight Powder of Life), and when I finally dropped the case into the recycle bin on moving day earlier this year, it had seen more action than Blanche Devereaux did at the Rusty Anchor.  And it had served me well.

All of that is to say, if you aren’t a believer in the Cult of Fleshlight already, there’s good reason why you should be. It is one of the few sex tools (I hate to call it a toy, especially when it takes itself so very seriously) that does more than what it promises.

And the Turbo (Thrust) model takes my old Fleshlight Ice to school! And then immediately beats it right to death.

 

The Turbo shares the common body shape of other Fleshlight models (as in, it vaguely resembles an actual flashlight), and promises “patented blow job action” described as “the most realistic and satisfying alternative to oral sex.”

 

Now, I’m here to talk about a masturbator, not to get on my high horse about sex stuff. But that’s BS. It’s not going to be a blow job, because it’s a rubber tube fitted inside of a plastic tube. It’s silly to perpetuate the idea that what you’re going to do with this sex tool is a substitute or even a simulacrum for sexual engagement with another human. Masturbation is not a substitute for sex and we gotta stop treating it like that.  Masturbation is sex. It is fine as the main course, and not a substitute for blow jobs you’re not getting.

 

Luckily for my high horse, that box-front marketing speak about blowjobs is really where that idea ends (although their product diagram suggests that this thing has been crafted to simulate “lips” “tongue” and “throat,”). Mercifully, the Turbo models have moved away from the idea of 

 

Fleshlight, Turbo, Review, Bateworld, Bator, Batorblog, sex toy review, GIF

 

making the front two inches look like tiny buttholes or baby-sized mouths, or rubber vaginas. I have a really difficult time imagining that anyone out there needed 40mm of Fleshlight’s Superskin material mounded up at the front to simulate a butthole in order to fill that thing up with sperm.

Described as a “non-anatomical orifice,” the round hole at the front was clearly designed for professional masturbators, and not somebody who tried to get laid and couldn’t. This is a penis tool that has been crafted precisely to its purpose and with its target audience in mind, like some Excalibur of jack off tools. I goddamn love that.

So, Friday night: (full disclosure – I smoked half a joint and took half a boner pill before endeavoring on my inaugural run, but I’ve used it since and it’s just as good without boner pills and weed) I planted myself in front of the computer, pulled up some tabs I’d had saved for this exercise, and got myself to work. After my favorite November Masturbation Jam, I decided to call this my Party For One.

 

LOAD 1: While I had PornHub and XTube favorites already in the queue, I got distracted by a Handjobs story I had open for a blog post I was writing. I decided that I’d work the easy one out to “By The Fire” from Handjobs’ November 1997 issue. It was a good choice because I did not last long enough for a whole video to play.

The first thing I noticed was that the tensile strength of the superskin material at the front of the tube seemed very cleverly structured; in other words, the non-anatomical orifice let me all the way inside, even at only %75 of a boner. I’ve had other strokers that were so tight right at the front that nothing less than full mast was gonna open them up. I love being able to get my lube-slimed penis all the way into something and let it swell the rest of the way up inside. The nodules just past the “throat” area were phenomenal for that.

The story I was reading was only six pages long, but I didn’t even make it to the end before I was already bucking and seeding my new Turbo. And it was glorious. I almost didn’t want to pull out afterwards.


LOAD 2: For this one, it was time to switch over to some video action, and this guy has become my ‘ol’ reliable’ on PornHub. I love his enthusiasm and the plainness with which he can stroke and groan and sperm. And none of it feels especially porn-y or performative; he’s just a natural bator and a big Fleshlight enthusiast!

Which means he was great to bounce along to. We were both trying to put some babies in our respective Fleshlights at the same pace. Normally I’m the tiniest bit aware of what my neighbors might be able to hear, groan-wise, but this new Fleshlight was pulling noises outta me that I was unfamiliar with outside of a Jacks party. To say nothing of the noises happening inside the FL as my first load sloshed around my re-lubed dick. It was a magical 10 minutes.  

This time, I didn’t pull out, but instead played a bit with the interior textures of the Turbo, turning it slowly around and trying to discern what ribbings and bumps were my favorite.

Though, truly, who could choose?

LOAD 3:  I didn’t really anticipate there being a third one in an evening (though it isn’t unheard of for me), but I sat down at the computer to check an email, and had to move this tab out of the way to do it, and something about seeing this dude’s hard boner teasing me just under the play button just got the better of me. Before I knew it, I had grabbed my Fleshlight outta the sink, and was back inside it, with two loads slurping out and around the edges.

By the time I was done, the Fleshlight was full, I was drained, and cheesecake and tv beckoned to me from the living room.

I don’t rave about a ton of stuff, but I genuinely don’t have a bad word to say about the Fleshlight Turbo (Thrust). This company has thought of everything in their 23 year history, and this model is damn near unimprovable from where I sit (an office chair with some worn-in protein stains).

My only complaint – and the thing that keeps me from using the Fleshlight every single time I need to unload – is that I hate cleaning it. I hate cleaning it in the sink, I hate cleaning it in the shower, in a box, with a fox.  I hate that part. I wish there were some way to address that element of the FL experience, but I can’t imagine what it would be.

While I try to think of some self-cleaning-litter-box add-on I can pitch to Interactive Life Forms, LLC, go check out the selection on their site. There’s about a 100% chance that there will be a Black Friday Discount on everything they sell so it may be worth waiting a few extra days to get yours.

But – three loads later – I’m happy to tell you the Fleshlight Turbo is a bargain at twice the price.

 

This review was originally posted to The Bator Blog, courtesy of Bateworld.com

9 Comments
  • Paul
    Posted at 14:45h, 11 January Reply

    You’ve got me sold … I’m buying one … I want to get a bodywand with the cock sleeve attachment, too (like milkingCOACH on BateWorld has) … have you used one?

    • tylerthebadwolf
      Posted at 15:00h, 11 January Reply

      I have! And I hate it! Lol. It’s like 4000% too much stimulation for me and makes the experience much less fun. That’s a really personal designation, certainly, and it’s worth trying. But don’t spend a lotta money – see if a buddy has one or buy one used.

      -t

  • Paul
    Posted at 15:17h, 11 January Reply

    Thanks for the frank answer … it’s great to get a variety of views. I shall ask around to see who has one … I’ve seen the expression on the faces of guys using them (on film) and I think “yeah, I want it to feel so good that I look like that”

    Your review of the Fleshlight Turbo gave me a nice erection as I vicariously enjoyed your pleasure … that’s where this open honesty about masturbating and sexual pleasure is so good: we share in the pleasure of others because we instinctively know how good it feels.

  • CØACH
    Posted at 15:42h, 12 January Reply

    Hi Paul, COACH here. As much as I love Mr. Badwolf, I have a different opinion. The Hitachi wand is truly a magical tool and the hummingbird attachment for men only enhances that magic. Why just today I found even more uses for it, all over a bull’s body and it drove him wild. While Tyler may not be a fan of such amazing stimulation, I can tell you 10/10 of my bulls can’t get enough … and I love it too! It’s also not that expensive, both wand and attachment are available on Amazon.

    I too am a big fan of Fleshlight/Fleshjack products and I would love to get a turbo for me and my bulls and think Tyler’s review is most excellent. I hope he reviews a lot more for us in 2019 … the writing and HOT visuals just make for a perfect read!

    xo CØACH

    • tylerthebadwolf
      Posted at 12:27h, 13 January Reply

      Thank you, Coach. Nice to see you here.

      This is what this site is all about – if you (or anyone) ever feel differently from anything I’ve said or shown, let it fly! I’m not here to tell anybody how to live their lives and I think sharing our experiences is the only way we come to a real understanding of one another. The only thing I won’t stand for is ridicule and derogatory comments.

      For me, the lack of control involved in the penis attachments to the hitachi wand is unfun. And the level of stimulation is more than my uncut dick ever wants or needs; I can’t usually cum from that kind of overload.

      That said, I DO think the wand itself is a must have for anybody with any kind of genitals. I’ve even got one listed on my wishlist now – fingers crossed!

      -t

  • Paul
    Posted at 02:27h, 17 January Reply

    Thank you, Coach! If you are the same guy as milking COACH, then I have seen the effects of the wand and humming bird attachment on the men in your videos and I definitely want to experience that 🙂

    This forum is great for getting varying views from men who are prepared to share the benefit of their experience in an open and frank way.

    Thank you both, Tyler and Coach, for responding to my questions … and thank you both for the work that you do … you both contribute greatly to the well-being of men in the way their bodies feel and in the way their minds and emotions are healthy.

  • Paul
    Posted at 16:21h, 17 January Reply

    And another thing, Tyler … I don’t suppose you made a video of your test drive, did you … and one that you’d be prepared to share? It would really help with my research 😉

  • Phil
    Posted at 20:50h, 31 January Reply

    Tyler I have to thank you for this one.. I had pretty much given up on Fleshjacks/Fleshlights but this one was an OMG experience. It had me precumming like crazy which kept it wet, slick and very masturbator noisy 🙂 I loved it!

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